


Without Me

by eecloud



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mentions of Henry Cheng - Freeform, Possible Eventual Smut, adam and ronan are stupid in love, blue is the push we all need, but enough, gansey is nerd, not rly detailed tho, pining Ronan, poetic gansey, scholar adam, smug blue, theyre all in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23325856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eecloud/pseuds/eecloud
Summary: When Blue and Gansey finally return from their roadtrip to a lonely and depressed Ronan, they decide it's time for a visit to Harvard.Based after Opal and before CDTH. Sort of. Kind of just pretend CDTH doesn't exist. Canon up to before CDTH, I guess, then.Not too sure where this one is going - so please bare with me. I love them. CDTH was so good. I'm so excited for the TV show.Ratings may change, again, I'm not too sure where this is going, my outline is very loose.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 20
Kudos: 59





	1. fuck it i miss u

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gansey and Blue return, finally.

Funnily enough, Ronan was thinking of Blue and Gansey as they snuck through the Barns’ front door. 

Headphones blaring, face down in bed, totally unaware of their entry, Ronan theorised that probably, missing Blue and Gansey like this was most likely the closest an orphan got to homesickness. 

But then missing Adam the same way? Ronan smirked. Probably just being in love. He’d only gone back to college just two days ago, but Ronan’s blood ran colder without him.

Drifting in and out of a light, dreamless sleep, Ronan missed the mulitiple knocks on his door, so as Gansey’s solid hand pressed into his shoulder, Ronan’s body shuddered awake. 

“What the-,” He spun violently, his fingers pressing into his own heart, restarting it, slowing it, “fuck.”

Ronan let himself be dragged up into a tight hug form Gansey, and peering over his shoulder saw Blue, whose hand was shyly held by Opal’s. 

“At ease, soldier,” Blue remarked, saluting. 

“Sorry for the lack of information passed on, figured there was no point in trying your phone.” Gansey jumped to his feet. “Any food in this place?”

“Hey, I’ll have you know I answer most calls now.”

Blue wriggled her eyebrows. “I’ll bet you do. I wonder why?”

\---

An hour later, around the table of take away pizzas, the trio talked and laughed and scowled. Or Ronan scowled. Blue, Gansey and Henry had just returned from their four month road trip around the fucking moon, and apparently, Ronan had barely left the property. 

“You just had to be there yourself, like, the sky was just so clear, no streetlights in sight,” Gansey’s face tilted up, and Ronan briefly thought that he may have seen the reflection of the stars in his best friends’ eyes. 

Blue scoffed, “Yeah, and I’m pretty sure Gansey’s gonna get choked up every time he remembers it.” 

Gansey rolled his eyes and pulled her closer into his side on the couch, and Ronan looked away, because he felt obligated to, because he was happy for them, because he was alone, and because he would be for a while. 

Like a mindreader, Gansey prompted, “Adam’s doing well, huh?”

“Of course he is.” Ronan felt the edges of his mouth soften into a smile. “He’s wanted this his whole life.”

Blue hummed. “I wonder if he misses us… all alone at Harvard…” her eyes drifted to Gansey’s with a grin.

“Oh, yes,” Gansey agreed, “in fact, since you and I miss him so much Blue, I’d say we should probably visit him sometime soon…”

Ronan frowned. “Now, what the fuck is this?”

Blue batted his eye-lashes at him. “Do you miss him too, Ronan?”

“What?”

“Do you?”

He scowled. “Of course I fucking do.”

“Then it’s settled,” and with a clap of Gansey’s hands, it was. “We’ll go the day after tomorrow. In your car, Ronan.”

\---

It was probably bad, Ronan thought, how fast he found himself settled into the sadness of being alone when the time came. One day alone, life went on. Two days, he might stay in bed a little longer. Three days, the music went up and his thoughts went out. Knowing Gansey and Blue were in Henritetta that night after they came home, Ronan physically stopped himself from dropping into bed fully dressed with a jar of hazelnut spread and a spoon, instead showering and putting the spread on toast before climbing under the sheets. 

Not perfect, but closer. And tomorrow was another day he wouldn’t be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me get out of my grammar and capital letters for a moment. if you made it to the end - honestly thank you so much. probably it's just another fic in your feverish midnight scrolling - been there - but for me, it really means a lot. SO, i wouldn't be against it AT ALL if you decided to leave a kudos or a comment. i dont know if you can see this but im gonna put the uwu emoji: 🥺can you see it? if you see it leave a kudos, and if you dont, leave a kudos! kidding, u dont gotta do anything. anyway. thank you, and hopefully see u on my next update, which honestly will be very soon.  
> thank u. bye. <3


	2. wait for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan, Blue and Gansey undergo the journey to Harvard. 
> 
> This chapter is quite short, sorry. My psychology essay deadline is staring me aggressively in the face and making me nervous.

The day after Niall Lynch was killed, one of the great pines behind the Barns fell. Ronan thought probably there was a metaphor for his childhood, or his innocence, or even his happiness in that, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to find it.

Ronan sometimes wondered if his attachment to other people was unhealthy, or if he was allowed this. Allowed to want and need other people, and allowed to expect them to come back for him.

His phone buzzed. Gansey.

Hi. Please be packed by tonight, we’ll be leaving first thing in the morning.

As if Ronan hadn’t packed the minute they’d left the night before. 

He replied, 

sure, dick.

—

Last minute arrangements proved successful as the women of Fox Way pretended to not be excited accepting Opal and Chainsaw for a couple nights. Ronan couldn’t even pretend to be hurt when Opal didn’t give him a second glance as a goodbye, darting off to investigate the clutter that painted the inside of the home. 

Not a second later, Gansey and Blue strode of the front door, one small suitcase each in tow. 

“Hola, mi amigo,” sang Blue, popping the BMW’s trunk.

“Well, well, well,” Ronan raised his eyebrows, “did Dick Gansey spend the night at Fox Way, perhaps?”

Immediately the pairs cheeks were tinged with pink

“We decided it would be easier, considering the early departure,” spluttered Gansey.

Ronan smirked, “Oh, no, I’m sure. Get in the car, dickweed.”

— 

Never in a million years had Ronan thought that things would work out as perfectly as they did for them. 

Of course, minus the trauma, the group was closer than ever, maybe not in proximity but emotionally and he was happy enough with that. 

He was happy as Gansey finally lost a battle against Blue and found himself in the backseat pretending to sulk, and he was happy as Blue struggled over the bluetooth connection on the BMW’s stereo to play her strange pop-folk playlist. 

“No way I’m listening to your robot-DJ shit for that many hours, thanks!” She remarked.

There was a time where he would argue with her, just for the sake of it, but now he was just happy they were all in the car together, safe.

“I wonder what Adam’s doing,” Gansey mused, finger on his chin, “probably sleeping. It’s only eight.”

Blue turned her head to Ronan, “You didn’t tell him that we’re all coming to see him, did you?”

“Nah.”

“How was he when you last saw him? It was just a few days ago, right?”

The end of a long weekend. Adam was bronzed and happy, as he could afford to be some of these days, now. They’d lay on the porch in blankets in the dusty sun for almost a whole day.

Ronan smiled faintly. “He was good. Happy. Content. Et cetera.”

She smiled happily. “Good!”

Gansey laughed from the backseat. “Y’know, when Adam told me about you guys that night on your birthday, Ronan, the idea hadn’t even struck me in the slightest. But the more time I’ve thought about it, the more obvious it seemed.”

Ronan scoffed, “Good to know you think about us often! Too caught up in your own whirlwind romance, I suppose.” He turned into the final exit off the highway.

Blue clicked her tongue, “That’s impending doom for you. Tends to be blinding, I guess.”

Something they could all relate to. 

As Ronan steered the car into the parking space, his chest started to tighten, like it often did when Adam was concerned. 

Gansey slapped his hands together. “Well then! Enough about existential dread, let’s go see our boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! look at me, staying true to myself and updating the very next day. next chapter i really want ronan, blue, gansey and adam to talk about their relationships because thats always something i wanted from trc but didnt really get. i want blue to make ronan squirm with embarrassment about his pining. maybe thats just me.  
> anyway please stick around! and talk to me in the comments! whats your zodiac sign, and do you feel like it represents you well? i'm a scorpio. i think its quite fitting.  
> thank u again. <3


	3. home in you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Adam graces everybody with his wonderful presence.  
> You can't tell me Adam and Ronan aren't soppy like this.

It was all so Adam. The red, dusted brick, the wiry trees. 

Ronan’s blood ran a little warmer. This place was Adam now.

He breathed in.

“I suppose we should just try his hall right off the bat?” Gansey studied the campus map on his phone, cocking his head at the screen.

“Oh God,” Blue tapped her chest with her fist, “why am I nervous right now?”

“Never got over your feelings, maggot?”

“Pshaw!”

“Here!” Gansey extended his arm out towards a darker bricked building in the distance. “This one.”

They followed a loose gravel path through the thin trees, and Ronan tried to clear the nervousness from his throat like a cough.

They’d made it to the building fast - too fast, Ronan clenched and unclenched his fists.

Nudging his arm, Blue hissed, “The hell are you so worked up for, loverboy?” 

“Me?” He exclaimed, “what the hell do you have to be nervous about!”

“Okay, okay,” Gansey said calmly, wiping his palms down the sides of his grey khakis, “it’s just nervous energy from being cooped up in the car. Or excited energy disguised as nervous energy. Probably. Let’s find this room, right? Room 202, straight ahead, up a level.”

Blue and Ronan stared at him.

“That’s embarrassing.” Said Ronan.

Blue hummed, “Suddenly I’m the calmest person in the world.”

—

Before Gansey could even tap the door, it swung open.

A startled, bronze, beautiful Adam was met with the small crowd.

“Wh-? Guys, what the hell?” A grin swept over his shock, his arms hustling them into a squeezing hug.

“What’s going on? How was your guys’ trip? Ah, wait, come inside!”

Ronan looked down, seeing Adam’s fingers covered his. He hadn’t noticed. Air flooded into his lungs - there was no reason anything should’ve changed, but it was still such a relief that nothing had. 

— 

It was weird, all of them squeezed into Adam’s tiny twin room. Adam’s roommate was still yet to return from summer break, so Ronan found himself sitting on Adam’s bed beside him, with Blue and Gansey on the other bed, only a metre and a half away.

Rolling his eyes at Gansey’s choked up recall of the naked night sky, Ronan focused on Adam’s laugh and the way their eyes met, for just a second, Adam wiggling his eyebrows at Gansey’s ridiculousness.

“Hell,” Blue feigned fainting, back of her hand on her forehead. “If I have to hear that story one more time…”

Adam tapped his chin. “Y’know it’s funny… I get why I’d get a visit from Blue and Gansey, but why did Ronan choose to grace me with his presence so soon after I saw him last?” He smirked pointedly at Ronan.

Ronan crossed his arms defensively. “Huh, like Gansey’s POS would survive a four-hour drive here. I did it for their good.”

Blue squawked, “Bullshit! I thought he was going to cry on the drive here he was so moved!”

Ronan lifted a pillow threateningly, feeling his face heat.

“OK! I would say it was a solid median between those two lies,” Intercepted Gansey, rising to his feet. “Hey, you don’t have class now, right? Any cafés around here?”

—

They all found themselves following the same path the trio had previously trailed down.

Adam looked briefly over his shoulder at Blue and Gansey who followed a couple steps behind, before adjusting his voice so just Ronan could hear beside him.

“I missed you. Even though it was only a few days.”

Ronan swallowed his pride and held Adam’s hand a little tighter. “So did I. Of course. Don’t tell anyone though,” he smirked and knocked his shoulder into Adam’s.

Adam rolled his eyes. “How’s things at home? Opal? Declan been on your case?”

Trying to not let Adam’s use of ‘home’ overwhelm him completely, Ronan just smiled a little wider as they reached the café. 

“It’s good. Everything. Especially now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay hi how are you? i didn't think i'd get a chapter out today but miss rona (ie covid 19) has taken four weeks of school and work from me, so once i get started i cant really stop.  
> not sure if im being out of character for ronan and adam, but i genuinely think that pynch is THAT sickening in love couple that makes you want to punch yourself in the face. i mean did you read CDTH?! 'we need to get you out of those clothes'?! slow dancing and kissing merrily?!?! excuse me??  
> also i just wanted to say, thank you for the comments ive had so far on this fic. it literally makes my day and honestly shocks me in the best way that somebody actually decides to read what i've written. idk. just thanks. genuinely.  
> so tonight is going to be me thinking up an overall plan for the rest of this fic, but for now thank u so much for reading and ily all! <3


	4. weightless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They attend the campus café, talks are had. Gangsey being Gangsey, Pynch being Pynch, Blue being a shit, Gansey being supportive. The usual.

The campus café was a surprisingly small building for such a large campus, but Adam admired the way the tables and their occupants spilled out onto the wider courtyard. 

“Home sweet home,” he said.

“What, you live here now, Parrish?” Ronan sniggered, opening the door for the rest of them.

Pretty much, Adam thought, passing through the door with a smile. His caffeine addiction was beginning to fester into something pretty serious by now. 

The Harvard Campus Café was pretty much busting at the seams during the mid-morning rush, filled with students between classes. 

“Adam should we line up and let these two find a table?” Gansey gestured at the growing line at the till.

Adam nodded, turning to Blue and Ronan. “Have a look outside, there’s bigger tables.”

Blue winked shot at him with a finger gun. “C’mon Lynch, let’s locate the culprit.”

“What fucking culprit, sorry?”

Gansey groaned. “That line is so horrible.”

“You should see it some mornings,” Adam replied.

“God, I don’t think I want to.”

Adam had quickly grown accustomed to the busy student life. As someone who felt singled out his whole life, being surrounded by people with such similar drives and ethics felt like an exhale after a breath held his whole life.

“How have things been with you and Blue? I haven’t seen you guys together for such a long time.”

Underneath the loudness of the room, Adam thought he might’ve heard Gansey hum happily. 

“You know… I didn’t know if the… well if everything that happened was going to be bad or good for us. Like, if it was going to make us stronger or weight us down and break us altogether. I guess you know the feeling.” Gansey shrugged.

Adam nodded slowly. He got the feeling.

“Anyway,” Gansey continued, “it just worked out. I mean, just so perfectly. She’s, just.” He laughed apologetically, “sorry, I don’t want to be preachy!”

Adam laughed, “Go on, I’m used to it.”

“I just didn’t think I’d find my soulmate so young. I don’t know what else to say. I’m so lucky.”

Adam felt a swell of emotion rise in his chest, almost as though he was experiencing Gansey’s emotions alongside him.

“I always knew, even when me and Blue were together, that it would be you she would be with. I just knew,” he smiled, “there was never any other way. I’m really happy for you guys.”

Gansey ducked his head, embarrassed and euphoric. “Adam, I never apologised for telling you not to hurt Ronan. It wasn’t my place.”

Adam laughed, “No, Gansey, you don’t need to-.”

“No, I want to. It wasn’t my place. I haven’t seen him this happy since… since a long time ago. And that was you. So, thank you.”

Adam smiled broadly and rested his hand on Gansey’s shoulder, pushing him slightly forward. “Thank you. We’re up next.”

After ordering two cappuccino’s (Ronan and Gansey), one oat mocha (Blue), and one americano (Adam, of course), Adam didn’t even have to awkwardly suggest it before Gansey asked the cashier to split the bill down the middle.

Adam gratefully pulled out his credit card. His chest swelled. 

—

By the time the two reached the table Blue and Ronan had secured, the latter were seemingly bickering.

“Oh, because you know so much about a womans ideal appearance,” Blue scowled.

Ronan barked out a laugh, “Probably more than you!”

“Now, what’s all this?” Inquired Gansey, placing taking the seat beside Blue and opposite Adam.

“Well,” Ronan held a hand up to Blue’s beginning argument. “I was just saying that Blue’s longer hair makes her look like a potential presidential candidate.”

It was true, that Blue’s hair had grown since Adam had last seen her. It fell now, just below her shoulders, finally out of the attacked attempt at a ponytail-hair clip hybrid. Adam stared hard at the ceiling in an attempt not to laugh.

“Ronan, maybe stop being an immature little-,” Gansey paused, “Wait, what’s wrong with being a presidential candidate?”

—

Back at Adam’s dorm, the others were getting ready to head back to a hotel for a few hours while Adam went to his lectures. With Blue and Gansey waiting in the corridor, Adam held a hand to Ronan’s cheek, gently drawing their lips together, then his mouth to Ronan’s forehead. He leaned back. 

“See you in a few, then. Are we going out for dinner, I guess?”

Ronan hummed and nodded, holding one of Adam’s hands in both of his. He brought it up to his mouth. 

“Fucking hell, you two!” Blue banged her fist on the doorframe. 

Gansey squeaked from around the corner causing to Adam laugh uproariously, his cheeks aching. 

“Goddamn you, maggot. Peace, Parrish,” Ronan winked as he slid out of the door.

Suddenly the room was quiet. Adam’s chest was all bubbles, and his fingers found his mouth still smiling on his face. 

He realised, suddenly, that probably home was not only a place, but people, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kind of love pynch a lot. i like that we now know that ronan isn't always just a shithead, like we've seen from CDTH and opal, he really is just a person with a hard front, but honestly he's one of the most sensitive person. he really is a scorpio, huh?  
> anyway, i kind of like this chapter 🥺🥺 idk.. let me know what u think i guess. slowly my chapters are getting longer.. im not used to writing long things, i'm used to writing freaking essays 


	5. king of my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan is way too far gone at this point, honestly. With Adam in mind, all he dreams of is light.

Ronan didn’t need a building number to identify which hotel along the street Gansey had selected to book a room from. He had unknowingly, of course, picked the hotel version of himself - moderately tall, but squarely built, tan bricked and clean edged with fancy trimmings around the front sign. 

“I don’t know why, but I feel like I’ve seen this hotel before,” said Blue, because even not as a psychic, she always managed to read Ronan’s mind.

Ronan scoffed, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve stayed at this hotel before. Or many times before.”

Blue scowled, reaching from the back seat to slap at Ronan’s arm. Gansey frowned.

“Wait, you’ve been here before?”

The hotel was about a ten minute drive from campus, in the Cambridge town centre which seemed to be a brick filled walkway version of New York from the 1900’s. The beginnings of fall were apparent on the small trees planted on the edge of the hotel's front yard, but not in the midday rolling heat pressing onto Ronan’s skin the minute he opened his car door. He winced away from the direct rays, and then winced away harder when Blue’s hand clamped down on his clavicle.

“Too hot for you, loverboy?”

Ronan groaned. “Can we go back to when you weren’t comfortable around me enough to chat as much shit as you do?”

Truth is, he wouldn’t go back to those days for anything. 

She elbowed him good-naturedly, “You’d rather die.”

— 

Almost as soon as they’d arrived in the space Blue and Gansey would be staying (Ronan, obviously, would rather be with Adam than third wheel), Blue insisted on checking out the several thousand antique shops nearby. And obviously, as a man who’d followed her halfway around the world before, Gansey went with.

“Do you wanna come, Ronan?”

“Hell no. I’m having a fucking nap.”

“In our bed?” Gansey asked, pointedly.

“Of course not," Ronan replied, jumping into it.

The pairs absence proved as a switch to send Ronan’s mind into sudden overdrive. He remembered Adam’s lips on his, from just moments ago, one hand on Ronan’s cheek and the other slotted between his fingers. The butterflies in his stomach, that had been there since the moment he’d laid his eyes on Adam the first time he’d seen him pushing his bike outside of Aglionby.

The summer they’d spent together before Adam left to Cambridge. Waking up in bed together, startled and yelling to find Opal down the other end of the sheets licking their toes, then roaring with laughter till they were both sitting up, wheezing. He thought of the feeling, the joy, the way he pulled Adam back down on top of him, bringing their lips together for the rest of the morning, rays of light spilling through the curtains.

Ronan pressed his face into one of the pillows. His heart felt like it was fluttering, like the butterflies had escaped from his stomach into his chest and danced around his heart.

—

Ronan woke up in a field with grass long enough to rise above his face. After a few seconds of blinking, he realised that he wasn’t awake, and he wasn’t awake because it wasn’t grass but tall green roses, in a field as far as he could see. He closed his eyes, and just let the euphoria of the landscape wash over him. The air, rain on concrete and sandalwood, and the glow of the sun, a gentle caress. He sat up, wondering if this was all to the dream - it wasn’t often he got off with a place where there was no mysterious being lurking behind a tree or around a corner.

He woke, suddenly, frozen on his back, arms at his side rested on the duvet. A glowing fragment of light fell upon his eyes, and his eyes trailed up to the window to see the sun was gone, floating around the other side of the building. What an oddly innocent, safe thing to dream a ray of light into impossible existence. 

He closed his eyes again, soaking in it, till feeling returned to his fingers, arms, legs.

He rolled over, exhausted, suddenly, by the rush of emotion he’d felt over the past few hours. He checked his phone. He’d only been asleep for about twenty minutes.

Ronan’s phone buzzed in his hand. It was the first text he’d gotten from Matthew in a few days.

up 2??

Ronan rolled his eyes, going to place the phone back on the bedside table, before it buzzed once more.

btw Declan told me to tell you he’s coming down to see you next weekend ;D

Ronan’s fingers tapped out a slow, inexperienced, “NO”, before the hotel door clicked with the sound of an automatic key.

“Wonders never cease!” Exclaimed Gansey, “Ronan can use a phone?”

“It’s my dick brother. He’s trying to come down next weekend and I really do not want to deal with his overbearingness right now.”

Blue sauntered in behind Gansey, arms wrapped around a hideous wooden elephant that Ronan would happily use as kindling for the Barns’ fireplace. 

“The good thing is, though,” Gansey nodded his head towards Blue, “me and Jane are back. And Declan loves me.”

Ronan groaned, rolling back into the pillows.

“As much as I love the idea of your breath wetting our lovely, fresh-pressed pillows, Ronan, respectfully get the hell off my bed right now.” Blue placed the elephant on the studio's kitchen bench, smiling threateningly at him.

“Only because you said it so respectfully,” Ronan smiled back, baring his teeth, “respectfully, that elephant is so fucking ugly that I physically don’t know what to do because my body’s telling me ‘run’ but my eyes are telling me ‘blink and you’ll miss it’.”

“Hey!”

“Adam finishes up in ten. Should I just tell him we’ll pick him up before dinner?” Gansey asks, oblivious to the bickering between the two.

“Sounds good,” said Ronan, “we’re getting Mexican.” 

Gansey cocked his head questioningly. If Ronan ever went out for dinner, it tended to be a greasy mess of either pizza or Chinese. 

“How sweet. That’s Adam’s favourite,” Blue cooed, making kissy faces across the room.

Gansey shook his head. “When did my girlfriend become such a bully and when did you become a sap?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh 😩😩😩 this is the longest chapter ive done so far, and its not even that long. i tried so hard to not be dialogue heavy but i just can't stop myself... writing really does not come naturally to me.  
> anyway!! i hope you enjoyed this.. i really like imagining how happy and cute things were the summer before adam left to harvard.. like i wish we could get an entire book on just that summer.  
> next chapter should delve into a bit more into ronan and adams alone time.. i'll put a warning in and should possible change the rating, so if that sort of thing interests you, stick around! hahah.  
> if u enjoyed, do me a massive one and hit kudos or leave me comment. i will ALWAYS reply to comments they make my whole life happier and this quarantine less bleak.  
> i appreciate all of you.. so much. till next time!  
> <3


	6. i love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Adam are sickeningly in love.
> 
> Indication of smut, but not explicitly written.

The Mexican restaurant proved a success in keeping everybody in a good mood, as Adam told stories about his insane philosophy lecturer, and Blue stole sips of Gansey’s apple juice every time he looked away. When the two held hands on the table between their plates, with Adam beside him now, Ronan no longer felt the need to look away from their shared display of affection.

When the night drew to a close, however, Ronan found himself met with a predicament.

“I guess you’re just going to have to drop us off in my car?” He asked, directed at Gansey. “Unless you wanna get a taxi. It’s up to you, Dick, just don’t crash my fucking car.”

This is how he found himself and Adam on the sidewalk at the Harvard dorms, cringing at the BMW’s jerky attempt at pulling off the side of the road. 

“It’s probably the first time Gansey’s driven a car that actually moves forward when you put your foot on the accelerator,” Adam said, waving back at Blue’s wobbly thumbs up out of the window.

Ronan snorted good-heartedly. 

The contagious joy from just moments outside seemed to split into desperation the moment Adam took Ronan’s hand and dragged him into the dormitory hall. 

Ronan huffed, partially up the steep stairwell, “Wait, isn’t your roommate back?”

Adam shook his head, not stopping. “No. He got sick right after his holiday and had to stay home.”

They finally Adam’s room, 202, and Adam attempted to wiggle his key around the lock. Ronan thought he could see his hands shaking.

“Jesus, Adam.”

Adam grimaced apologetically. “Sorry, I might’ve been thinking about this since I saw you yesterday.”

Ronan’s eyes widened. He felt shell-shocked by this revelation, in the best possible way. 

Ronan thought, by the time Adam had worked the door open, that he was probably shaking too.

In an attempts to calm himself, he remarked, “You sure you didn’t work your magician shit to make your roommate sick so we’d have the place to ourselves?”

Adam turned looked at him, grey eyes locked on blue. “Stop trying to be funny, Lynch, and kiss me.”

It never ceased to surprise Ronan, the desperate animal Adam could let himself become from his usual thought-through, composed self. Adam could go from rolling his eyes at him humorously to roughly covering Ronan’s mouth with his own to muffle Ronan’s moans.

Ronan loved it.

And in a different category, he loved the afterwards. The kisses, soft and tender, and Adam’s arms wrapped around him. 

Adam blew out a breath towards the ceiling. “I really don’t wanna,” he said, “but I’ve gotta get up super early tomorrow and finish my bio essay.”

Ronan remembered a time when Adam was harder on himself. When he would have refused to sleep for a entire night, just to stay up hunched over a desk with a pen in his hand.

“That’s okay,” Ronan was curled up on his side, eyes flittering over Adam’s face. “I’ve been getting up early these days.”

Adam smirked, “Gotta get up early when you decide to have kids. How is she?”

“She misses you. And Chainsaw. Every fucking morning, ‘Atom! Atom!’, so fucking annoying.”

Adam laughed lightly, then rolled onto his side, facing Ronan.

Ronan closed his eyes as Adam rested his hand softly on the side of his face. “You can tell them,” he whispered, “that I miss them, too. And I always miss you, the second you leave, I’ll miss you. I always want you with me.”

Ronan swallowed, teetering dangerously on the edge of not being able to control every overwhelming emotion that Adam gave him.

“Who would’ve thought,” he murmured, “that we would end up like this.”

Adam kissed him once, lightly on the mouth.

Ronan continued, opening his eyes. “I mean, I always wanted it. You. From the moment I first saw you.”

“I think I did, too, subconsciously. The idea just seemed so impossible that I just never humoured it,” Adam said, rolling back so he was looking at the ceiling again. “But I’m glad you did, because I love you and don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Ronan swallowed heavily again. He thought he could probably cry, right then, if he let himself. There wasn’t one part in his body that wasn’t dedicated to loving Adam Parrish, and there wasn’t a time in this universe’s future that he would stop.

“I love you,” Ronan knew his voice was wet, embarrassingly so, a rare, obvious tell of his feelings.

“I love you,” Adam said again, sitting up and leaning across Ronan to switch off the lamp. “Goodnight, Ronan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh.. oh my fucking god 😭 i nearly bawled my eyes out writing this chapter, just because i love them. this chapter is quite short but its probably my favourite. i really like showing this side of ronan that u really only get a small glimpse of from trc.. y'know.. the one all about 'the ocean burned' and shit... like fuck!  
> this quarantine is really overwhelming me rn, im not doing as well as i thought i would be in terms of mentality. i hope, if any of you are the same, that this brings u a second of happiness.  
> i love u, thank you for reading this chapter, and see u next time  
> <3 💖


	7. peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ronan experiences sadness, adam is there for him.

When Ronan woke, he thought he was having a nightmare. A low, violent buzz,

A bee? Is Gansey safe?

A shadow reaching over him,

A night horror? 

“Sorry, Ronan,” Adam’s voice whispered from above him. He reached for his phone on the table beside Ronan’s head and switched off the alarm. Ronan realised his body wasn’t frozen. How typical, he thought, that his brain would recognise such domestic safety as a threat.

He blinked wearily, looking for some form of light coming from behind the small curtains, and found none.

“What fucking time is it?”

“Five-thirty.”

Ronan pressed his face back into the pillow. “I should’ve known better to think that Adam Parrish had suddenly developed a normal sleep schedule.” 

Adam grunted as he swung his legs over Ronan’s limp body and stood, turning to pull the thin duvet back over his shoulder. 

“Shh,” he whispered, “go back to sleep.”

Adam should have known better, Ronan thought, to think that Ronan would do anything but watch Adam given any opportunity. 

He watched him, through one dry, bleary eye. Watched him pull a t-shirt from his drawer and pull it on, rubbing sleep from his eyes. The way he pulled the desk chair out with his foot and how he angled the lamp carefully away from Ronan’s hazy vision. 

Ronan knew he loved Adam, because it was 5:30AM and his chest was warm. Ronan reached for his own phone. Being a crippling insomniac, once he was awake, that was it - not that he’d ever tell Adam. He was happy to watch Adam’s shoulder blades move whilst he typed.

However much he hated his phone, Ronan appreciated the easy access it gave him to blackmail material. Gansey’s feverish attempt to keep Ronan in the loop while travelling was to download Instagram onto his phone, which, to his surprise, Ronan found himself exploring meaninglessly. 

Since he only followed about 10 people, the first thing on his feed was a post from a week ago. Henry. A selfie, Gansey, Blue and Cheng with a lake in the background, crystal clear and glistening. The caption said “Sarchengsey”, Henry was doing a peace sign. Ronan rolled his eyes. Typical Cheng - Ronan resisted the urge to comment this below. He scanned over Blue and Gansey’s faces, decoding their happy expressions. Were they happier then? Are they sad to be back? Would they rather still be gone?

Ronan clenched his jaw. It was like he was running track and he only saw the others when they were lapping him. He switched his phone off and placed in back on the night stand. It was too early to be thinking like this, to be missing the people he loved when they were within arms reach.

-

Adam finished his essay two hours later just before 8. Ronan’s early morning had settled into a dull headache in his temples, like it always did. He felt bad, like he did some mornings - like he did most mornings when he still went to school. Declan had told him he was depressed once; Ronan ignored it like he ignored text tones on his phone.

Adam, like always, saw past everything. He sat on the edge of the bed. Ronan’s limbs felt like lead being swallowed up by the mattress. Adam didn’t say anything, he waited it out like he always did, touching Ronan’s cheek and wiping a stray tear that ran sideways down Ronan’s face until the pain in his chest started to subside.

A while later, Adam asked him if it happened often. Ronan wanted to say that for him, love always had darker repercussions, instead he said, “If you don’t cry the morning after good sex you’re doing something wrong.”

Adam slapped his arm but frowned at him lightly. “You wanna get coffee?” Adam had learnt over time that pushing wouldn’t help Ronan open up.

-

If Ronan knew how royal it would’ve felt to walk around town in a Harvard student sweatshirt then, damn, he would’ve applied for this damn school, too. 

“I love my studious boyfriend,” Adam sing-songed as they waited on the footpath. 

Ronan touched a finger to his chin thoughtfully. “It’s always been my deepest desire to study neurosurgery and support my family.”

Adam pulled Ronan closer by his waist. “We should have a very thorough study session later on then, maybe.”

And Ronan flushed, like he always did when Adam was concerned. He hadn’t even notice Blue and Gansey walking down the street towards them. 

“Well, you two look busy,” Blue chirped.

“Just some brisk morning role-play,” Ronan deadpanned, though his eyes struggled to meet either of theirs. 

Adam shoved him and Gansey laughed, pulling them towards a breakfast restaurant a few meters away. “As much as that interests me,” he said, “let’s discuss over breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im listening to folklore, and as i was writing this chapter. i left this story for a few months, but reading some old comments really helped me come back so thank u guys. this chapter is named after the song 'peace' by taylor swift which i feel like can really apply to ronan & adam's relationship. folklore is so good. im really struggling to write gansey and blue as characters.. as well as adam sometimes.. i feel like ronan's character is just a expression of my self projection but yeah. sorry if this chapter is a little depressing everything is a bit like that at the moment.  
> love u guys

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading. if u enjoyed pls leave a kudos or a comment, or even hit me up on tumblr (eecloud). tysm <3


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